You can't do that.
I believe these are the five most overused phrases in my house at the moment. The boys have been testing the limits recently to see how far they can push Mama. C likes to shake the TV to try and rock it off it's base, climb on top of the (glass) kitchen table, and get into areas of the backyard that aren't ready for a curious little boy yet. D has gotten into the hitting phase with C (especially since C is a little bit of a bully with D), screaming when something gets taken away or he's asked to do something he doesn't want to do, taking things that he's not supposed to, and saying things that no almost-four-year-old should say.
Boys will be boys right?
I don't like having so much negative come out of my mouth when it comes to the boys. Oh I know that I need to say no and try to redirect them when they are doing things that can potentially harm them ( that means no more jumping on the glass table C), but I'm starting to feel like I'm saying no to things that are nothing more than little inconveniences in the plans that I have for
I feel like a selfish Mommy.
So I decided that I'm going to relax a little more. If C wants to jump in the mud, who am I to stop him just because he'll need a shower afterwards. If D wants to play on my phone before he falls asleep at night as a way to help him fall asleep in his own bed, who am I to stop him just because I'm afraid that he's going to text people and change my Facebook status. Dirty hands can be washed and Facebook statuses can be fixed, but becoming the No Mom while the boys are so young can never bring back all the adventures that we will miss out on if I don't change. So I'm going to change. I'm not going to worry about what others will think, how dirty the boys (or my house) become, or how far we have deviated from our schedule for the day. When the day is over, all I want is what any other mother wants.
I want my boys to be happy.
Case in point.
We have a nice bird bath in our back yard from our landlord. I've never actually put water in it, but it rained recently and has filled to the brim. It's not the cleanest water, but it wouldn't kill anyone. C has been trying to play in the water for two weeks now. I always told him no because I didn't want him getting wet and dirty and thus resulting in an afternoon shower.
Yesterday I said yes.
And it was marvelous.
C was splashing, and giggling, and soaked.
C even encouraged D to splash around with him. The same D who hates to have his hands dirty
(Mama's fault) and doesn't find splashing in a bowl full of water his cup of tea.
But he did. And he enjoyed it. For the thirty minutes that they played before C was so drenched that I knew it was time to warm up.
I love my boys. I want to make sure that I do what is right for them and what is right for my family. I may not make choices that everyone agrees with, and some that I may look back on and wonder why I made them. But they are my choices to make, and I have the right to make them. This is the right that I was given when I applied for the job of Mommy.
But I will strive to be better. The boys deserve that from me.
I don't have annual reviews with the boss, the hope of a promotion, or the promise of a raise to work towards. I have something better, something that I get every day when C gives me a smile and puckers his lips, or D comes to me demanding a kiss and a hug. I have the love of two awesome little boys and I want to see smiles on their faces, rather than the serious expressions that they've recently been sporting.
I know that I won't be afraid to use the word "No", but I've also realized that I've been abusing the power behind the word. Being a mom is not easy, but there is nothing in the world that I'd rather be.