Monday, October 17, 2011


It wasn't instantaneous. I was hoping, but I knew I was reaching.

It started out as a curiosity. D was unsure of what to make of his little brother, but he knew that this squeaky little boy was here to stay.

Once C became mobile, it turned into fun. D now had someone to play with. Someone who had his endless amount of energy who was more than happy to play chase for an hour straight.

Now. Well, now is my favorite time. Now my boys love on each other with no encouragement from me. Sure they fight, they throw things at each other, and spend time in time out for something that they did or said to the other. But that is how all siblings are. D will play WITH C rather than next to him. D will share his prized possessions (sometimes) rather than hide it on a shelf that C can't reach.

It took a little longer than I thought it would, but it's there. It may not always be evident, but it's there. Sometimes it's tangible, when D wraps an arm around C when he thinks no one is looking, or kisses his finger when C gets an owie.

Love isn't always at first sight. Sometimes it takes being around someone for thirteen months before you decide to do more than just feel it.

You show it.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

One Week

One week. Just one more week until my littlest becomes a two year old and we enter into a whole new world of potty training, binky weaning, bed transitioning, and all the mischief that comes with the "Terrible Twos" category. While this is not a completely new territory that I find myself in (C is my second child after all) , I am going into this as blind as I was before because everything is different. C is different. Where I had head banging and screaming with D, I have arms cross, "I quits" and "No's" from C. Where I had absolutely no interest, and no cues from D when it came to potty training, I have a strip down if he's not wearing shorts (or even if he is) and "Potty!" from C. Where I had a shaky walker and non-climber with D, I have a sprinter and fearless climber with C.

Fearless is the best word to describe C these days.

I should be sad that he's not my baby anymore. I should be sad that the "Mom, help's!" and the snuggles have been replaced by a little boy who can expertly disrobe at the first sign of a bath and a "No!" when I try to cuddle with him before bedtime. I should be sad that I am no longer required when it comes to putting on a movie or helping him into his highchair.

But I'm not.

I'm proud. I'm proud that I'm littlest has grown so much that I'm not his first go-to person to make things happen. Instead, I can sit on the sideline and offer my assistance as needed. Now, I can take a backseat and just watch him soar.

It feels like two weeks ago that I was sitting in my apartment, praying that C would come on his own so that I wouldn't have to be induced. I wouldn't wish an induction on anyone. But my boy was cozy and had no intentions of coming out on his own three weeks early. I'm so sad that my body couldn't hold out and let him have that extra time, but I think C knows that I didn't evict him willingly. It's why I call him Buggy. It's short for Cuddlebug, and C has been my Cuddlebug since day one.

It feels like yesterday that I was celebrating C's first birthday. I wanted everything to be perfect, and while the party didn't turn out exactly how I thought it would, it was still a great day. Especially seeing how happy you were with the attention you were receiving. Not to mention your cake. Against my better judgement, I let you eat your entire smash cake. With a little help from your brother. And a cousin or two. You were well on your way to walking and sure enough, one month later you decided that crawling was for babies and you were ready for the big kid's group.

Now here we are, getting ready to celebrate your second year in our family. I'm sorry I might not be able to give you everything you deserve this year, but I know you'll have fun anyway.

I love you my Buggy! 
(Nana and I think it may be time to upgrade your nickname to Fearless. What do you think?)


I seem to have the bad habit of taking a week (or five in the case of D and my theater experience) of writing down the exciting adventures the boys and I go on. I'll sit down to write, jot down a few paragraphs, go through the thousands hundreds of photos that I have for the day weekend and decide which ones I want to edit, and then life will happen. Kel will ask to go on a late night walk to 7-11, D will need help using the bathroom, or C will get stuck on top of the big bed where he was trying to turn on "Maceen" and I'll forget about the blog until the next day. I seem unable to write a post with out having a lot of pictures, and those take time to edit (still trying to catch up to the speed that Miss C is at with her editing).

So I'm hoping that by the time this month is over, I'll have more than four posts to share with those of you who are still around. Besides, a certain little fearless boy will be turning TWO next Sunday and while I've stopped doing his monthly posts, you will for certain be seeing a birthday post. Or two.

A week ago, the boys and I spent the day with my cousins. We started out at the "Alligator" park to play for an hour. It ended up being closer to two, but that's okay. All five kids had fun and played nice together, and that's all a parent can hope for. C had a blast following the big kids' lead, climbing on ladders and sliding down slides that are best left to kids who are older. At least that's what my heart tells me. However, my brain wins this round, and reminds my heart that I probably limited D a little too much when he was this age and need to learn that my children can fly. I just need to be close at hand to catch them if they fall.

It melts my heart to watch how my boys play with M and M. The girls are special. Not because they have Autism, but because of who they are. They are smart, and they are nurturing, and when I see M hold C's hand to help lead him to the park or help him down the slide, or M leave her world for a little while to love on C, it makes me so happy that my boys are able to bring out this side of them. And from the looks of their face (this is C's kissy face in the photos), they enjoy hanging out with M and M as well.

The park has a nice open field that ended at stairs that connected to a nearby school, which was great to let the kids play tag.

Or learn to fly a little more so that when he decided to climb the big ladder....

He was fearless.

After an attempt to get a nice photo of the Crazy Cousins...

We left to go to Party City to search for costumes for M, M, and H before we headed back to their house for some lunch. After lunch, D and H decided that squirt guns would be a great way to pass the time. Which eventually led to getting stripped to the unders and playing with the hose. Well, to be accurate it was more like H chasing D around the backyard with the hose until he got too hot and then relinquishing the hose to D to cool down for all of two minutes before taking command of the hose once again.

After drying off, and an impromptu bath for C, H came home with the boys and I to play for a few hours. Aside from dinner, the majority of the time was spent in the backyard playing football and basketball with Kel.

C, H , and Kel were playing so hard they didn't notice Swiper making off with H's shoe.

I love my Swiper...

Just as I love my family and the fact that the boys love having cousins close by to play with. It makes me very happy when D asks to play with M, M, and H in the morning.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Staying Home

November 1st will mark my one year anniversary as a stay at home mom. As hard as it is to believe that a year has already gone by, I couldn't picture this past year any other way. I got to experience so many "firsts" with C that I wasn't able to with D, and while I am really happy that I did, it makes me sad thinking about how much I missed with D.

It also makes me wonder if anything would have been different with D if I was able to spend that time with him in his second year of life rather than only the few hours at night and on the weekends that I was allowed to have. Maybe he would have talked more, maybe he would have walked earlier, climbed faster, transitioned from a sippy cup to a "big boy" cup sooner if he was with me rather than his aunt or in daycare. Or maybe nothing would have changed at all. By no means am I knocking his aunt, or the care that she gave to D while I had to work, but with seeing how much C has advanced before he even turned two makes me wonder why D was so far behind at this age.

Yes, I know that as a baby he was held to much, and probably got away with a little more, but that doesn't excuse why he was so far behind in all of his milestones. Maybe it was just D's course in life, to have to work a little harder to accomplish things that come so easy to his brother. To have to go to speech, occupational, and physical therapy for a year so that he can be where he is today. Sometimes I wonder what would have been if D had been the second child. Would he prove the stereotype that is associated with the second (or third, or fourth) child and been right on track, following in his older siblings foot steps? Or would he prove the belief that your life is mapped out before you are even born, and still go through the struggles that he went through, as well as the ones he has today. I will never know, and to be honest this is the first time that I ever really thought about it. But the one thing that I know with absolute certainty is that I would not change one thing about either of my children. They are who they are, and each where given their own obstacles to overcome so that they can be who they are today.

Which in C's case, means he's a crazy little dude who decided in the space of one day (today) that he was done with diapers and his crib. Hard to believe that in seventeen days I'm going to have a TWO YEAR OLD!

This is not quite where I intended this post to go. I just meant to post a few pictures that I took WITH the boys today and mention how sweet they are with me since we've been in each other's company 24/7 for the past 11 months and five days, but that post got away from me.

Such is the world of blogging and not having a blog post already written in my head.